"The Sticky-Fingered Fiancee"
[EXCERPT]
Book and Lyrics by Robert Kerr
Copyright 2011
All rights (including but not limited to performance rights) reserved by the author. Contact Robert Kerr at RKerr@robertkerr.net for more information.
www.robertkerr.net
RKerr@robertkerr.net

CHARLIE

You can drop the act. I know exactly who you are.

WANDA

I've never seen you before in my life.

CHARLIE

Think back. Akron, Ohio. Six years ago.

(Crossfade to six years ago. ROGER [played by the same actor who plays DAVID] enters.)
ROGER

No!

CHARLIE
(to WANDA)

My recently engaged next-door neighbor had just been transferred to L.A. Or so I thought.

ROGER

Gone! All gone!

CHARLIE

Roger? I thought you moved.

ROGER

No. I came back from a business trip, and the house was empty. She took everything. Everything!

CHARLIE

Who? Giselle?

ROGER

Read all about it. She made the front page of the Herald Tribune.

WANDA

LADY GRIFTER STRIKES AGAIN.
SHE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF LONELY MEN.
SHE TELLS THEM WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR,
WAITS UNTIL THEIR BACKS ARE TURNED,
THEN ROBS THEM BLIND AND DISAPPEARS.
A LOCAL MAN WAS THE LATEST ONE BURNED.

ROGER

Everything. Even the piano. Who helped her?

CHARLIE

Um...

ROGER

She was such a small girl, and it was such a large piano.

(ROGER goes.)
WANDA

You've got me confused with someone else.

CHARLIE

Whatever you say, crackerjack.

Waits a moment, then, casually:)

Breath mint, Giselle?

WANDA
(automatically)

Merci boucoup.

(realizing her mistake)

Damn.

CHARLIE

I knew it!

WANDA
(suddenly a hard-boiled, tough grifter lady)

Nice work, Sam Spade. But before you go squawking to your friend, hear me out. It's true, I was a grifter once. I pulled every con in the book. The Pigeon Drop, the Box of Rocks, the Jamaican Switch. And, yeah, I even pulled the Sticky-Fingered Fiancée once or twice. But those days are over. Six months after you spied me in Akron, I got caught. Five long years in the big house. I didn't want to go back there again, so when I got out, I went straight. No more cons. I met your pal, fell in love--for real, this time--and here we are today.

[END OF EXCERPT]